Artemis Fowl

Published June 13, 2020

Artemis Fowl

Film info

  • Title Artemis Fowl
  • Director Kenneth Branagh
  • Year 2020
  • Run time 1hr 35m
  • Genres Science Fiction, Adventure, Fantasy
  • Tagline Remember the name

Disney's Artemis Fowl, based on the beloved book by Eoin Colfer, is a fantastical, spellbinding adventure that follows the journey of 12-year-old genius Artemis Fowl, a descendent of a long line of criminal masterminds, as he desperately tries to save his father who has been kidnapped. In order to pay his ransom, Artemis must infiltrate an ancient, underground civilisation - the amazingly advanced world of fairies - and bring the kidnapper the Aculos, the fairies' most powerful and coveted magical device.

Live blog

Time Comment
2:09 Amazing starring role for the Maunsell Forts!!
3:19 “You are a common thief who is somehow in league with a quite uncommon thief.”
5:22 Can you even win a game of chess in five moves?
12:12 Well, it’s a Disney movie, so the dad can’t be coming back.
14:46 “Antiquities dealer or criminal mastermind?” Or both?
20:04 The fairy ships sound like they are in the Matrix.
20:40 That one had a legit hoverboard!
31:24 There’s no volcano in Ireland, is there?
35:58 Where did all those others come from, I thought they were all busy and that’s why she had to go?
39:08 “Get the ffffour-leaf clover out of here.”
44:51 How are they not caught in the time loop?
51:37 “I was just following their social cues.”
54:20 I knew there were no volcanoes in Ireland, he popped out of the sea.
1:05:03 Mulch is like a massive Niffler.
1:18:20 Some impressive special effects in this.
1:23:52 What happened to the bad fairy?


Right, so I have read the first book in this series, a while back. It’s not one I would have chosen but it was on a list I was working through at the time. And my review suggests that I found it okay, with some clever bits, but generally not aimed at me.

The film was something similar. I quite liked the action adventure, young people running around causing havoc aspect of it, but a lot of the story raised more questions than it answered and I’m not sure it really stood up against close scrutiny.

And I don’t think the criminal mastermind part of things really came across, not as much as they’re trying to sell it in all the descriptions anyway.

The big names in this really held their own against a script that probably wasn’t the best. Judi Dench saying ’top of the morning’ was genuinely the best and worst thing I’ve seen all year. Josh Gad probably stole the show, but it wasn’t much of a show to steal, really.

Rating: 2 / 5

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