While we were in Newquay, we ventured into a club. I don’t do this very often, clubs are definitely not my scene, but somehow Mr C convinced me to pay a chunk of money to get my hand stamped.

Inside, I spotted a little desk set up in a dingy little corner of the club, that was selling balloons.

At first I couldn’t figure it out. Then I remembered the news item I had heard on the BBC about people sucking up helium or whatever from balloons. Apparently it gives you a bit of a high, for about ten seconds. So worth it.

Even more amazingly, it can suffocate you. You can die.

And if all that weren’t enough to put you off, then think about this. You have to walk around the nightclub, carrying your balloon. If you don’t suck it up all at once, which I think is physically impossible, then you have to walk around with a pinched balloon, like a little kid.

Classy.