The Jewel of the Nile

Published April 24, 2021

The Jewel of the Nile

Film info

  • Title The Jewel of the Nile
  • Director Lewis Teague
  • Year 1985
  • Run time 1hr 46m
  • Genres Comedy, Adventure, Action, Romance
  • Tagline They're back again... and romancing a brand new stone

In the blockbuster Romancing The Stone, novelist Joan Wilder and wanderer Jack Colton went sailing off into the sunset together. In this thrill-packed sequel, Ralph is back on their trail and they're back in the fast lane on a perilous trek through the fierce North African Desert. Not even treacherous tribes, deadly dungeons and seemingly endless villains can stop this trio from finding, once and for all, that mysterious jewel.

Live blog

Time Comment
4:19 Her typewriter is incredible. Triumph!
5:00 Oh. The Triumph is at the bottom of the ocean now.
7:55 You can deliver flowers to a boat?
11:58 Woah, he caught the champagne cork in his hand… I need that, am terrified of them.
13:17 I mean, he’s right to be suspicious but he could choose his objections more carefully.
20:00 “Wherever you’re going, I’m going. Where are we going?”
25:58 I feel like shooting at the wall isn’t the best way to get rid of graffiti you don’t like.
33:02 I admire her spirit but she is literally the worst spy ever.
36:29 “Jack wouldn’t die without telling me.”
38:25 Pages is not a unit of time.
46:31 This is the slowest escape in a fighter jet ever.
54:35 The Jewel is adorable. Just Joan!
1:05:06 The body paint is pretty intimidating.
1:20:24 Sometimes I respect this woman, sometimes I think she’s an absolute liability.
1:21:48 “Your ass is grass and I’m a lawnmower.”
1:26:00 Haha that she wrote it and a double laugh that he hasn’t read it!
1:27:23 This random visual effects guy is so weird.
1:27:52 OMG are they doing Riverdance?
1:39:50 The music that sounds like that Olympics riff is doing my head in.


You can feel the desperation behind this, to have a hit like the first movie… but it’s just too much of everything and yet somehow a whole lot of nothing. If it was a spoof movie, I might have thought it was okay, but it’s not, it’s trying to be an action-adventure-comedy. The music was awful, the story pretty nonsensical, and some of the actions of the heros inexplicable and irritating.

I quite liked the Jewel, he was fun, but couldn’t redeem what was genuinely a terrible movie.

Rating: 1 / 5

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