I’m afraid I’m going to be one of those rather annoying people who only pays attention to football when the World Cup is on. Come on England and all that.

Thankfully, I wouldn’t dream of being one of those annoying people that puts flags on their cars, so I think the two balance each other out quite nicely.

I know very little about football. Really, really little. I used to “support” Manchester United when I was too young to know any better. I have never lived anywhere near Manchester, so I must have only picked them because they were doing quite well. When I say support, of course, it really means caring enough to know who Ryan Giggs was, and maybe collect stickers because stickers were fun.

I did learn the offside rule, though. Another brownie point for me, I think.

For the upcoming event, I know a few things, but not enough. I know that people don’t like the balls. Not enough panels. RG told me.

I was discussing who was on our team with my brother (who is understandably a bit more clued up on these things than I am).

“Is David Beckham playing?”

“No.”

“Oh, but he’s the only one I’ve ever heard of.”

“What about Wayne Rooney?”

“Oh yes, I’ve heard of him.”

“You must have heard of others.

“Well… there’s the tall one. And the one who busted up his knee.”

“Hmmm.”

So there we have it. The extent of my World Cup knowledge. The off side rule. Not enough ball panels. No David Beckham, a tall bloke and a busted knee.

Good times.

Our World Cup sweepstake in the office is remarkably complicated but I have drawn France. I wanted France (nothing to do with a certain Frenchman, promise), so it was a surprise that I actually managed to select them. I was entrusted to draw for someone else and picked Brazil for them. Apparently Brazil are quite good.

The person that was landed with England was quite philosophical about it. “They won’t win,” she said. Thing is, she actually wins everything, always. The Grand National sweepstake? She won that. A competition for a meal in a restaurant? She won that. She goes to bingo and wins there. It wouldn’t be out of the question for her to win this.

If England do get the trophy, I will be sure to thank her for you.