I’m eating chocolate biscuits. It’s very bad and useless for the diet but delicious.

There’s a guy at work who is religiously good at what he puts into his body. He has precisely two cups of coffee a day, and then up to three cups of tea. He will not have any biscuits, cake or anything anyone brings in. He has a salad lunch brought from home every single day of the week. He tells us all about the delicious but fresh and home-cooked food that he eats every night of the week.

It’s very honourable and impressive, but it drives me absolutely crazy. Who can resist chocolate biscuits? Really?

The boss brought in some chocolate brownies as a motivator for us hard-working staff. It didn’t really work, because there is no substitute for a bit less work and a lot less pressure. But chocolate is a good start.

He was so tempted. He sniffed the brownies more than once (which, by the way, I found a bit weird. Who goes around sniffing food?), and he paused by them every time he walked past. I was so close to convincing him to have one. I don’t want to be a bad influence, but I would just like to see that he is an actual human being with normal human weaknesses.

It didn’t work. Someone shouted across: “He’ll never eat one,” and he realised that he wasn’t going to, so he didn’t.

So close.

I work with a robot.