Last year, the Technophobe and I gossiped at the water cooler about Big Brother. That’s right, he knows how to use a television. Actually, we didn’t do that because the water cooler is the other side of the office and we sit next to each other anyway, so that would have been silly. We would predict nominations and evictions, gossip about the housemates and bitch about those that were driving us crazy. It was always a race in the morning to see who could say “Did you see it last night?” first. And whoever did would then launch into an over-zealous opinion of the previous nights events.

This year, with the addition of E4 to my home, plus my ever-growing reliance on the internet for all things news-worthy, I’ve been getting confused when it comes to what has been shown on which night and whether the things I saw on Big Brother Live have actually happened on Channel 4 yet.

Another person at our desk was persuaded into watching Big Brother this year, so that he could gossip with us and wouldn’t feel left out. Even when he went on his honeymoon - a cruise around the Med for three weeks - he still managed to keep up with what was going on.

And so, as the weeks are drawing on and my interest in the housemates (boring, boring, vain, boring, whiney, boring and stupid) is waning, they have taken to discussing it without me. Although I did mention that I didn’t particularly like any of the housemates this year and now that some of the real characters have been kicked out there’s not really much point in watching… I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t give up watching, I’m a die-hard fan. They know that.

But still, they insist on nattering amongst themselves and I’ll be honest with you, I won’t forgive Excessively Long Honeymooner easily. He’s stolen my Big Brother buddy. Why couldn’t he have gone and got his own?