The rules

Published December 13, 2004

With Christmas fast approaching, people are really beginning to struggle with the idea of me skipping it. They don’t seem to understand. So, to help out any who are still a little confused, I’ve laid out some of the rules here:

  1. I do not wish to celebrate anything to do with Christmas, however, I will not ruin anyone else’s fun. For example, a colleague said he would sulk and not go to the Christmas meal himself, if I didn’t turn up (emotional blackmail), therefore I agreed to go for that reason and that reason alone.
  2. I do not wish to have tinsel on my computer, however that does not mean I cannot enter a house / room / building with Christmas decorations on it. I can still appreciate the trees, lights and general prettiness of things, without having to participate in it myself.
  3. Although I will be partaking in some turkey on Christmas day, this is in accordance with Rule 1, in which I do not wish to upset anyone else’s plans. Do not call me a hypocrite for having a Christmas Meal, or going to a Christmas reunion. To me, this is just a family meal and a family reunion - to others it is in celebration of Christmas.
  4. I am not sending out or signing Christmas Cards (no, not even to the Managing Director, who is going to do what? Fire me? Don’t look at me like that, okay?), presents, or good will messages. I will receive such gifts only so long as the sender knows that I am not celebrating Christmas, I am not obliged to feel grateful, and I will not return the favour. (This is not two-faced or selfish - they are given the information and if they still wish to part with a gift, who am I to stop them?)
  5. If I take an active step not to be a part of something, do not over-rule me. I specifically asked for my name to be kept out of the Secret Santa, so please do not feel sorry for me and overcompensate by buying me a gift anyway. I will not feel bad or left out when I am watching everyone else open their presents, so do not think that I will, or that I’m lying when I say that I won’t be upset. This will only result in either mine or your feelings being hurt (probably mine, as I find this quite insulting).
  6. Do not, under any circumstances, call me Scrooge, Humbug or any other names relating to someone who is grumpy about Christmas. I am not that person. I think Christmas is great, wonderful fun, I just do not wish to participate in it. If I was a Scrooge, I would be sending out boiled sweets or lumps of coal as a present and giving cards made from newspapers. A Scrooge is someone who begrudgingly celebrates Christmas and scrimps on the whole caboodle. I did not wish to become that person, so I chose to forego Christmas this year.

Please read these carefully, as I will not be responsible for my actions or the tears of frustration that will occur when they are disregarded.

Note: The colleague that was bugging me about the Secret Santa thing said today: “I do admire your stance on Christmas, though, I wish I had the bravery to do it,” which totally made up for everything.

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