- Title Under Siege
- Director Andrew Davis
- Year 1992
- Run time 1hr 42m
- Genres Action, Thriller
- Tagline It's not a job, it's an adventure.
This action-packed thriller takes place on the soon-to-be-decommissioned USS Missouri. Disgruntled ex-CIA operative Strannix, his assistant Krill and their group of terrorists seize the battleship with nuclear blackmail in mind. They've planned for every contingency but ignore the ship's cook, former Navy SEAL Casey Ryback - an error that could be fatal.
|3:16||“Why do you tolerate that clown?” Don’t beat about the bush or anything.|
|7:20||A rogue helicopter landing? Sure I can’t see anything going wrong there.|
|16:34||People that don’t listen to instructions and take as many tablets as they think they need… not advisable.|
|18:04||They’re taking oer’derves to the engine room?|
|22:23||I knew it was gonna go south, but I wasn’t expecting shots fired!|
|25:11||“Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?”|
|29:23||No other memory lapses… except the woman. WHERE IS THE WOMAN?|
|35:57||They are NOT in stealth mode.|
|45:17||I feel like these two are not the best actors in their class.|
|50:21||Plain and simple cook.|
|56:00||“Wish we had him on this mission.” He’s on board, how convenient!|
|1:03:07||Oh no, stressful water rising situation.|
|1:03:54||Where the hell did he get the safety goggles from and WHYYYY?|
|1:09:38||“If I can’t control you, I might as well support you, am I right?”|
|1:20:04||Yay, she has a purpose!|
|1:21:49||Stop shooting the bods! Without them you are nothing.|
|1:31:57||Love that he’s saving the world with a hoodie on. Casual.|
|1:36:23||On the one hand, she’s helping save the planet, on the other, she’s reduced to secretary.|
|1:39:07||Why is she dressed as a sailor at the funeral?|
My word, what is this film? It feels like it desperately wanted to be Die Hard on a boat but it fails at almost every turn. Seagal has almost no expression or chemistry or maybe even acting ability, and teamed up with Eleniak… well, it’s not a relationship that is going to go far.
Having said that, Tommy Lee Jones did a great job as the villain. He was basically doing his manic Two-Face thing, toned down a little bit. Alongside Val Kilmer, it was camp as anything but alongside Seagal, it was almost Oscar-worthy!
It’s an entertaining movie, I certainly enjoyed taking the piss out of it as we went along, but I gotta say it’s not a good one. The story has some serious plot holes, the characters don’t really make sense, and the violence is weirdly horrifying compared with the more comedic tone of the film.
But, it was still fun. And lots of other people must think so too - the movie was 17th in the whole of the iTunes UK charts when we picked it up. Utter madness!
Rating: 2 / 5