Title: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Director: Bill Condon Year: 2012 Run time: 1hr 55m
“In the final chapter of The Twilight Saga phenomenon, the birth of Bella and Edward’s child brings conflict between Bella and her lifelong friend Jacob, and an all-out war between the Cullens and the Volturi.”
2:40 - Just me or the longest titles ever? 3:58 - My favourite thing is that turning into a vampire not only filled out her hollow cheeks but also gave her false eyelashes. 9:26 - “You really do stink.” Tactful, Bella. 13:11 - “YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?” Hahaha. Haha. 15:40 - I really need an Alice in my life just to organise everything. 25:33 - It’s all so mean on the dad. 37:37 - Jesus this story gets more and more twisted all the time. Poor kids. 41:58 - Why has Bella not asked what her gift is? Is it the strength? 44:07 - Is it really self-control? That’s disappointing. 1:01:37 - So confused about what the dad understands of the situation. 1:08:20 - Charlie is the best. “Woman knows her trout.” 1:10:55 - Edward’s sad realisation that it’s all his fault. Finally! 1:14:38 - The wolves seem to look less and less real in each film. How does that work? 1:17:58 - “Immortality becomes you.” 1:21:40 - It’s a bit like the x-men, with all the different gifts. 1:30:56 - Lot of nails scraping on things. Argh. 1:34:22 - WHAT. WHAT. No. WHAT. This isn’t a Choose Your Own Adventure! 1:40:32 - Not the bloody meadow again.
So look, the only three things worth watching in this whole saga are Alice, Charlie and Jessica. Jessica wasn’t in this one at all, they were constantly mean to Charlie, and Alice disappeared for a good chunk of it. And when she returned, she treated us to the most pointless ten minutes of cinema ever - an epic battle that’s supposed to be moving and emotional and your favourite characters getting bumped off, only for none of it to have happened.
Waking up in a shower to find it was all a dream much?
This was marginally better than the previous film but nowhere near the levels of the third. All in all, the series is best avoided and the only opinion I’m left with at the end is…. it was an experience.