Title: Valentine’s Day Director: Garry Marshall Year: 2010 Run time: 2hrs 04
We already know this is not going to be my type of film at all, but even so, part of me was curious to see what it was like. It was clearly a Love Actually rip-off, and I quite like Love Actually, so I was willing to give this a chance. Sort of willing, anyway.
00:01:17 - Mr C is playing the “who’s that” game just from the credits. On this film, that is gonna take a while. 00:02:49 - Hey, it’s Ashton Kutcher actually acting and not being on Twitter. 00:03:36 - Three minutes in and already I want to die. 00:05:47 - I like the Jamie Foxx guy. “Valentine’s Day gives me acid reflux.” 00:06:46 - This is sooo Love Actually, they haven’t even tried. 00:09:16 - Don’t tell me Dr McDreamy is a doctor in this? 00:16:35 - That is a big ol’ bear. 00:18:43 - This is never going to end well. People do not like surprises. He’s bound to be with someone. 00:21:45 - Of all the people in this movie, they choose Julia Roberts to be in the Army? 00:26:42 - Ashton is my new favourite so far. The kid… is… not. 00:36:18 - A big lollipop heart. Eww or yum? 00:43:24 - “My fear made me very convincing.” 00:48:03 - Flowers all over the road, what a mess! 00:49:34 - Do teachers really put kids in charge of classes when they step outside? That sounds like a one-way ticket to getting picked on. 00:51:32 - Why does it have to be all so very pink? 00:59:20 - Sarcastic airline man is fun. 01:03:22 - Morley seems like a very strange first name for a girl. 01:08:44 - A man looking at his phone while a lady moans at him. That is familiar. 01:12:34 - “Young love, full of promise, ignorant of reality.” 01:21:18 - So, we guessed at lots of storylines but the gay one was not one of our guesses. 01:24:49 - I don’t understand how she got on a plane and flew somewhere but has met someone with a kid in her class? 01:26:25 - This table layout doesn’t look very nice. Sitting next to two strangers and opposite your date. It’s not very personal. 01:30:26 - Ooh, I like them the best now, even if I still don’t believe she’s in the army. 01:34:39 - What are they doing in a cemetery? Why is it a thing to go to sit amongst graves on Valentine’s Day? Doesn’t seem very romantic. **01:54:00 **- All the pieces are coming together nicely. No one left sad and lonely, just like in real life. Eh-hem. 01:55:11 - Oh, jeez, if he was anymore soppy, I might throw up. I blame him wearing pink for the whole freaking film. 01:57:05 - Ooh, army lady! I did not see that coming. Bravo. 01:59:53 - Post film bloopers! Yes!
This really was a terrible, terrible film. The redeeming features though: lots of famous people so good fun to see how they all interacted with each other. Quite amusing consuming wine and guessing what was going to happen in each of the relationships. We were right as much as we were wrong. That one surprise at the end was good. You couldn’t pay me to watch this again but I don’t necessarily want my two hours back.