Title: Spider-Man 3 Director: Sam Raimi Year: 2007 Run time: 2hrs 19m
The third film in the Spiderman series, and we were feeling a bit better about it. The first was not great, the second was better, if a little long. It wasn’t until after we’d already started this one that we realised it was well over two hours. Otherwise we might have been a bit more wary!
0:36 - I wonder what crazy long titles we’ll have this time. 1:54 - That’s one film recapped. Are we going to do the other one as well? 3:10 - I think we’re through it and out the other side! 4:40 - What does “layaway available” mean? I clearly don’t pawn enough stuff. 8:33 - Is this a sequel that is the same as the first movie then? Guy goes into green smoke, goes insane? 14:02 - Spiderman needs to get himself a better motorbike. 17:27 - Ooh, he has new web missiles? 18:45 - Who pays for all this damage, going in one office window and out the other side? 20:38 - Don’t you just hate it when your weird little spherical weapons come back and hit you instead? 29:34 - That was some amazing CGI, how did they do that? 35:44 - “I’ll be taking shots of you for the Bugle. Smile, are you smiling?” 43:13 - Now she’s jealous that he’s more famous than she is. Doesn’t sing though, does he? 48:18 - Spiderman high fives! 51:48 - That guy leaves quite a lot of sand behind. 1:02:13 - Is the fact that door sticks going to be important later, I wonder. 1:07:20 - Totally confused by this black gunk. It’s just changed his suit colour? 1:11:11 - “This is a free country, not a rent-free country.” 1:25:13 - It really was the root of everything that she didn’t tell him straight away that she had been fired. 1:27:33 - Woah, emo hair alert. All he needs is some eyeliner and the look will be complete. 1:33:37 - Okay, that’s it. Being mean to Ursula is crossing the line. Bad Spidey. 1:36:48 - The trouble is, Maguire just can’t pull off the cool side. It’s cringeworthy in the extreme. 1:45:09 - Again… none of that makes sense. He could take the suit off fine before, and why didn’t he notice someone screaming as the black stuff took over Topher? 1:48:16 - Why did he turn into a rogue Spiderman? I thought it enhanced your bad side, and he deffo wasn’t a spider before. 1:56:49 - God knows what would happen if Sand-dude found his way to the beach. 1:58:52 - What child has ever said “wicked cool”? 2:07:40 - Always two sides to every story, I guess. 2:11:34 - I feel sorry for the butler man. He has no one left to look after now. 2:13:13 - No one seems to have noticed that she stopped singing mid song. Maybe that’s a jazz thing.
I really didn’t think this was very good. It started out so promising, Spiderman looked like he had a happy life that was about to be compromised, and there was an incredible villain in the shape of an awesome-CGI sand-monster thing. But then there was also the black goo, there was also Harry flipping out, losing his memory, getting it back, going bad, going good. There was Mary-Jane and all her baggage, there was the guy taking the photos. It was all too much.
Too many threads, and not enough common sense to string them together. I had questions galore. Where did the black stuff come from? Who does a weird scientific experiment and is all “it’s just a bird, who cares” about it? What was the sand-man actually trying to achieve? Why was the photographer’s bad self just like a spider too?
It was mildly entertaining, but by about halfway through I was more frustrated than anything.