Title: Rock of Ages Director: Adam Shankman Year: 2012 Run time: 2hrs 3m
I had mostly forgotten about this musical - I think I wrote it off as cashing in on We Will Rock You’s fame, and never gave it a second thought. I was curious about the film, because I like anything that brings musicals more attention, but the idea of Tom Cruise strutting around as an aging rock star was a little off-putting.
0:38 - I get they are being rock and roll, but I cannot read that text! 1:42 - Even in modern musicals, you can see a song coming a mile off. 3:49 - She sounds like Britney. 9:21 - That’s Alec Baldwin. In a role that is suspiciously like Pop. 9:38 - We are trying to figure out whether Brand’s accent is meant to be Brummie or Liverpool. 12:50 - I really thought he was going to introduce her as Catherine Zeta-Jones, hearing her character name was a surprise. 15:55 - Things you never thought you’d see, Brand and Baldwin chest bumping. 18:40 - Someone wants to stop the music? This is all so very familiar! 19:45 - It’s officially the worst accent ever, comes and goes, but we think Liverpool. 26:45 - Oh, backcombing. Painful. 31:51 - You can’t do this one, Glee co-opted it already. 40:29 - You shouldn’t meet your heroes, I guess! 45:00 - He tells time like Mr C does. 48:00 - There is far too much of Tom Cruise’s chest in this. 52:45 - “Another rocker, asleep at the wheel, singing the same songs you did ten years ago.” That’s what the people want! 1:00:05 - The accent changes by the word. 1:01:28 - I don’t know if you can get the Rage in a musical? 1:13:24 - Mary J with Williams sisters hair! 1:23:32 - This is a bit more than a chest bump. Things you really never thought you’d see! 1:25:42 - “Rock is dead but the pop thing is hot.” Wooo, can’t wait for the sequel then! 1:29:40 - I like decision-making based on the flip of a coin. 1:32:44 - “I wish that the true part were falser.” 1:37:07 - A stripper and a boyband are not on the same level! 1:41:41 - It’s the cutest! I’d marry him on the spot. 1:54:09 - The Glee song ruins it. Otherwise I am totally on board.
It’s good! Well, no, that’s not true. It was terrible, dreadful, corny, silly, but totally brilliant at the same time. I really think Russell Brand’s accent was unfortunate, and it got to the point where every time he opened his mouth, we cringed. Post-film research proved it was meant to be Birmingham, like Ozzie Osbourne.
It’s hard to know what else to say. The singing was quite processed, but not overly-done Glee style. There were some surprises, some laughs, but it was quite predictable as musicals are. Overall, we really enjoyed it, for all it’s glorious rubbish-ness.