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190. Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Published December 4, 2011

Fast Facts

Title: Transformers: Dark of the Moon Director: Michael Bay Year: 2011 Run time: 2hrs 34

Background Info

We’ve watched both the previous Transformers films this year, catching up on the entire series in one go, and were looking forward to this one as well. Previously we have decided that they are absolutely terrible films but mostly entertaining as well. I was intrigued if it would be any better without Megan Fox.

Live Blog

1:24 - Wow, I like DecepticonLand. 3:13 - Given the number of films that use the Oval Office, I’m surprised they don’t have a standard one to rent out. 4:32 - Some of this is hard to tell what is real and what isn’t, that’s good work I suppose. 6:17 - So they’re trying to tell me that when they were on the dark side of the moon, they were actually on a top secret machine to locate alien craft. I’ll go with that. 13:34 - That isn’t his dad, is it? He seems different. 17:52 - It’s kinda hard to hear what they’re saying through radiation masks. 21:51 - “Always good to have a medal guy in the office… with a medal.” 23:47 - Hehe, that is my kind of office. As long as I don’t have to work on the yellow floor. 27:24 - That’s actual Buzz Aldrin!! Now I think this might have happened! 29:02 - Lenovo laptops in this movie. 30:03 - That’s McDreamy! I bet those are photos of him actually racing. I’ve sponsored him before and everything. 33:15 - Gawd, it must be massive. Optimus looks tiny in it. 34:52 - Megatron?? 44:54 - Curious why they made it look like a suicide if it was then going to shoot the office up anyway. 48:04 - Ugh, she might be more annoying than the other woman. 52:57 - “You’re not a soldier, you’re a messenger. You’ve always been a messenger.” 56:15 - Who knew the Transformers were an addiction? 1:02:58 - I like Dutch. 1:08:14 - How on earth do you manage to get the human back in the right place in the car? 1:10:52 - WHAT??? 1:14:45 - “Does that suck or what?” Yes, dad, most corny romantic lines do! 1:21:38 - Don’t like SoundWave with the snake type bits. 1:31:49 - I love that Dutch has his tie around his neck brace. 1:34:45 - Aren’t they just killing off all the workers now? 1:36:32 - Add Cisco to the list. 1:40:46 - The fat transformer is my favourite, he waddled forward and everything. 1:43:40 - They stole that off BTTF!!! 1:49:58 - No Transformer left behind! 1:54:17 - Like Titanic. How many movie remixes can we have in one film? 2:03:23 - The robots are realistic enough that we are still a bit squeamish about the eye thing. 2:13:09 - It is nice when the humans get to fight back for a bit. 2:23:08 - Well, you know, they have “killed” Megatron before. 2:26:01 - Always look forward to the Optimus speech at the end. And by look forward to, I mean make fun of.

Conclusions

This one lives up to its predecessors in being truly awful and also lots of fun at the same time. Somehow, Michael Bay managed to find someone worse than Megan Fox, which is pretty impressive. We often browse critics reviews after we’ve seen the film and found one that summed it up, essentially: “Great CGI and visuals, but terrible dialogue, acting and storyline.” The three things that make a good film all missing, but it was still interesting enough.

It did feel weaker than the previous two, but that’s not saying much when they are all three pretty much the same level of dire but entertaining nonsense. Mr C has great fun fathoming which Transformer is which and what they used to do in the TV series. I find myself enjoying the movie remix after remix. There was one moment where we named about five other films in a row. Also, it was  good job I’d just seen Black Hawk Down otherwise I’d have never got the “no Bot left behind” bit.

Having said all of the above, it was worth the two and a half hours (seriously!?) for the Juan Pablo Montoya Wrecker. The three Wreckers were based on NASCAR cars, and the number 42 transformed into a squat little bot that waddled along. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I made Mr C rewind it so I could laugh some more. Quite made my year.

Update: And then Mr C made me a gif so I can always relive the moment. And laugh some more!

Rating: 35

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