Fast Facts

Title: Transformers Director: Michael Bay Year: 2007 Run time: 2hrs 22

Background Info

I have never seen the original Transformers series. In fact, I think my only knowledge of the Transformers concept was a weird plane thing that I inherited as a kid, and about two parts moved to make it into a robot. I’ve heard of Megatron but Mr C laughed a lot when I asked about the Decepticles.

Live Blog

00:00:32 - These noises are quite creepy. 00:02:12 - I so recognised the Osprey from its shadow. Mr C is a bad influence on me.** ** 00:03:07 - He said: “I just can’t wait to hold my baby girl for the first time.” He’s not going to make it, clearly. 00:04:56 - It’s like Top Gun. 00:06:42 - Okay, so I am new to this Transformers business. What if they didn’t have the right parts to pretend to be a helicopter? 00:08:54 - There’s no way you can fight something like that!** ** 00:12:08 - Serves him right, he’s a bit of a brat.** ** 00:14:46 - Cars pick their drivers. Just like Herbie. 00:16:53 - Their lead is a sound? I can’t see how that is much help.** **00:25:20 - Oh my god, she’s annoying.** **00:26:52 - Why does the car care if he has a girlfriend? 00:30:53 - “They’re hacking into Air Force One!”** ** 00:40:27 - It doesn’t look much like a helicopter anymore. Where did the rotor bits go?** **** ** 00:44:26 - Planes can fire from the side?** ** 00:48:22 - “Satan’s Camaro.”** **00:54:58 - The one that turns into a hi-fi has sounded both like ET and a Gremlin.** ** 00:57:01 - It was a radio and now its a phone? I don’t get it. 01:00:05 - Armageddon! A film reference I get! Woooohoo. 01:01:16 - Scariest tooth fairy ever.** ** 01:02:20 -  You know, Shia LaBoeuf looks like David Platt. I can’t unsee it. 01:03:49 - Awkward. 01:06:29 - I always knew eBay would be the downfall of us all. 01:10:44 - Transformer said: “Sorry, my bad.” Hehehe.** **01:12:20 - Send the woman to find them, instead of a silly man search. 01:13:21 - Optimus Prime is definitely awesome.** ** 01:28:24 - Where did all the dry ice come from? 01:30:28 - Good grief, no communication at all? No internets? 01:31:31 - There is something ABOVE top secret! 01:35:41 - You can’t roll out on foot. Silly Transformers. 01:39:56 - They are keeping the two strange alien things right next door to each other. Smart. 01:41:34 - I wish my phone did that! Maybe with the next Android upgrade. 01:43:46 - “I’m gonna count to five.” “I’m gonna count to three.”** **01:55:56 - It’s hard to feel emotional though. The head of the thing turned into a phone, what’s left of Bumble Bee could turn into something else too.** **02:00:14 - It’s all very well Prime coming in to save the day. Where was he earlier?** **02:12:30 - Why didn’t they just shove it in his chest in the Hoover Dam? 02:14:16 -  He got to hold the baby! I was wrong.

Conclusions

I suspect a lot of people were concerned this would ruin their childhood, and thankfully I cannot say one way or the other, having no knowledge of Transformers before this. It wasn’t a bad film, in fact, I feel like it had the potential to be brilliant, but it was let down in a lot of ways.

There are a gazillion plot holes. I felt like I was forced to suspend my belief on top of the suspended belief that comes with an alien robot story. Too many questions, not enough answers, and checking with Mr C showed some inconsistencies that didn’t exist in the TV show era.

It was hard to engage with the film because neither of the lead characters were particularly nice. He was a brat, although brave. She was clearly just cast because she was thin. Whilst I held some respect for Optimus Prime, who seemed cool (I want one!), it’s also hard to be bothered about robots fighting robots for a cube. Particularly when the solution was what it was.

The CGI though, was incredible. I was so impressed. I had some concerns that the fighting would get a bit confusing, just a mess of metal, and whilst that was the case, it was still some pretty impressive footage. Beautiful cinematography too. Just enough good stuff to outweigh the bad, I think.

Rating: 3/5