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Eternals

Published January 15, 2022

Eternals

Film info

  • Title Eternals
  • Director Chloé Zhao
  • Year 2021
  • Run time 2hrs 36m
  • Genres Adventure, Fantasy, Action, Science-Fiction
  • Tagline In the beginning...

Eternals follows a group of ancient heroes from beyond the stars who had protected the Earth since the dawn of man. When monstrous creatures called Deviants, long thought lost to history, mysteriously return, the Eternals are forced to reunite in order to defend humanity once again.

Live blog

Time Comment
3:30 Odd selection of powers these Eternals have.
4:52 The guy in a blue suit with eye lasers is a bit close to the bone Superman-wise, isn’t it?
12:05 “Are you a wizard? Like Doctor Strange?” A world where Harry Potter isn’t the go to reference.
16:52 Kit Harrington and Richard Madden look like the same person, so this should be fun.
26:46 Did the Eternals make sign language too?
39:17 Are they saying Mad Weary? I’m Mad Weary.
48:17 I’m glad that even superhuman immortals get hooked on iPhones.
59:06 When Quake quaked apart the earth in Agents of Shield, wouldn’t we have seen the celestial inside?
1:06:58 “I think we need to learn from our mistakes and do better, sir.”
1:22:39 Will there be any left by the end?
1:26:44 What is with all the DC references?
1:34:35 “You know what’s never saved the planet? Your sarcasm.”
1:52:13 The big god thing does look like Iron Man.
2:12:34 Someone’s going to have to redraw some maps.
2:28:34 Wait, what is Watermelon Sugar doing in this?

Thoughts

I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this one. The trailers didn’t make it look that interesting, and it seems quite removed from the rest of the universe, and although it was a stellar cast, it felt like too many people to get invested in. Unfortunately, my expectations were bang on - this was so boring and it felt like it dragged the rest of the universe down a couple of notches with it.

Firstly, too many heroes, so not enough time to actually get to know them. Secondly, a premise that makes sense as a concept but in practice didn’t work - don’t interfere in human life, except for the all the technology you’re giving them, because you want to reach the optimum population but also let Thanos snap away half the people… it gets a bit woolly after that.

And although the effects were really well done, visually it felt very grey and dull. Each of these heroes has their own coloured suit but even with that, it was so flat and muted and bleurgh. Honestly, just two and a half hours fully wasted. We would absolutely have switched this off if it wasn’t part of this bigger universe.

To end on some positive notes though: I did like the girl who was really the Flash, I liked the family stuff with Fastos, and Kit Harrington was fun so I’m glad it looks like he might be around a bit more.

Rating: 1 / 5

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