- Title Santa Claus: The Movie
- Director Jeannot Szwarc
- Year 1985
- Run time 1hr 48m
- Genres Adventure, Fantasy, Family
- Tagline Guess who's coming to town?
Hundreds of years ago, an ageing peasant woodcutter and his wife kindly deliver presents to the children of their village with the help of their faithful reindeer Donner and Blitzen. Trapped in a terrible blizzard one night, they are led to safety by a group of magical elves who inform them that they have been given the gift of immortality - in order that every year they may create gifts in a fantastical toy workshop and deliver them to the good children of the world. Helped by the elves and flying reindeer, they get to work in preparation for their first Christmas. Flash forward to modern times, and the holiday season soon comes under threat when a rebellious but naive elf called Patch runs away to modern day New York. Lost in a world he doesn't understand Patch finds himself being exploited by a villainous toy manufacturer. Could this be the end of Christmas or will its spirit prevail?
|7:26||Well, that’s not the start to the movie I was expecting.|
|12:00||That’s two elf puns in two minutes.|
|15:51||Suddenly they have to live forever? They didn’t get to read the small print on that.|
|19:06||Is there any more infuriating answer to a question than ‘you’ll see’?|
|24:06||Right, sorry, they opened the roof and what? They all seem very happy about it.|
|31:54||Present delivery montage.|
|35:21||Turns out green does suit him after all!|
|40:38||Okay, I didn’t have money on this turning into a film about the battle between traditionalism and modernisation.|
|45:24||Painful product placement so far.|
|50:33||Maybe they could try the loop-the-loop move not aiming directly at a skyscraper, that might help.|
|56:17||“Maybe we could put out some kind of statement?” North Pole PR.|
|1:01:22||Why was there an A Team van just randomly in the back of a scene?|
|1:05:43||I liked the first elf pun but I’m over it now. Stop it Dudley.|
|1:19:14||I think I’ve said a hundred times so far ‘well, I didn’t see that coming’.|
|1:25:57||“Did you ever have one of those nights where you just wanted to drop a bomb on the whole world?”|
Yea, this is two very poor Christmas movies in a row. The thing about this one is, it could be good. There are elements in there that are mildly entertaining but it has so many problems, it just doesn’t work. The most fundamental issue is this feels like at least three different films smooshed together. There’s the woodcutter learning how to be santa (that got off to a slow start, I will admit), there’s the dissatisfied elf heading down to earth (Dudley Moore is great in this, except for those GOD DAMN PUNS), and then the homeless kid learning the true meaning of Christmas.
These would work as one, two or even three separate films, there’s so much that can be mined from these great concepts. But for some reason, they are all in this one film that jumps from dilemma to dilemma in some kind of festive fever dream.
Rating: 1 / 5