mrschristine.com

Fast & Furious 9

Published August 21, 2021

Fast & Furious 9

Film info

  • Title Fast & Furious 9
  • Director Justin Lin
  • Year 2021
  • Run time 2hrs 25m
  • Genres Action, Thriller, Crime, Adventure
  • Tagline Justice is coming

No matter how fast your are, no one outruns their past. Dom Toretto leads a quiet life off the grid with Letty and his son, little Brian, but they know danger always lurks just over their peaceful horizon. This time, that threat will force Dom to confront the sins of his past if he's going to save those he loves most. His crew joins together to stop a world-shattering plot led by the most skilled assassin and high-performance driver they've ever encountered: a man who also happens to be Dom's forsaken brother, Jakob. Along the way, old friends will be resurrected, old foes will return, history will be rewritten, and the true meaning of family will be tested like never before.

Live blog

Time Comment
0:35 Why are they using the ye olde universal ident?
2:31 Well that’s the slowest pit stop ever. Big heart to heart in the middle of it.
7:12 “Now I know you don’t carpool, so what’s up?”
10:08 Yay, only ten minutes before the first Brian mention.
12:46 Plane down in the jungle is very Tomb Raider.
15:49 No way he survived being surrounded by military in an elevated position.
19:55 God landmines are terrible things.
24:25 Oh right, yea, that plane that picks up cars in mid-air and carries them to safety.
34:48 Ooh, some kind of sea bunker!
44:36 It’s some pretty scant evidence he’s got that his brother killed his father.
59:01 She says he was about his height with the same features… can’t be the brother then because they look NOTHING alike.
1:08:14 The women in this are being particularly awesome.
1:09:14 How are they tracking them via the gun?
1:18:56 I feel like at this point someone else could have taken over the driving.
1:30:47 I am so lost right now.
1:41:30 Oh space travel too now!
1:44:52 Astronauts R Us sounds like an incredible shop.
1:52:37 “Spoiled rich pricks run the world.”
2:05:44 Haha, minions reference out in space.
2:10:42 The empty chair. Sobs.

Thoughts

I was totally expecting this to just be out there action sequences hung over a thin plot, but somehow it was even worse than I could have imagined. The action sequences were good but they MADE NO SENSE. The technology and science behind some of the tricks just seemed impossible and was glossed over rather than explained. A car in space, sure. A magnet that seems only to suck up what you want it to. Okay!

And that was all hanging on a plot that was trying so hard, but missing all the way. A random brother that would certainly have come up in conversation before, some kind of magical take-over-the-world satellite that only one or two people seem to know exists, and an epic bunker in the middle of the Caspian Sea.

It was marginally entertaining enough to get to the end of the movie, but it was really so bad.

Rating: 1 / 5

← Previous Career Opportunities
Next → In the Heights