And so, I’m done.
If you’ve been following along, you might remember that May was a bumper month for running activities, including an epic 10k. Unfortunately, that 10k was the pinnacle, and the eventual downfall of my running career.
Gradually, things got worse and worse, and at the end of my May monthly update, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about it.
I completed four runs in June. The first was my attempt at a 5k, and it was bad but at least I completed the distance. The next was 1.4km, in which I had to stop and turn round, limping home with a painful thigh. I decided to take a full week off, and returned well-rested to complete a 30 minute run that felt a bit better. However, my last run was less than 3km, because the pain just came back again.
I tweeted at the time that I was desperately trying not to swear off running FOREVER, because that’s the kind of thing you say and then have to retract later. But, after a shower in which I couldn’t distinguish the water from the tears (DRAMA QUEEN), I realised I was done, perhaps forever, at least for now.
I stopped running less than a month ago, and since then, I’ve taken up more inside-based workout/aerobic/weight-swinging activities. I thought I was going to miss running dreadfully, and for the first few days I did. I would watch people jogging while I was driving to work and feel jealous, and guilty. But now, several weeks on, there are so many positives to what I’m doing now, that running feels like that bad boyfriend you keep going out with even though you know he’s no good.
The things I’m doing now, jumping around, doing weight repetitions, stretching before and after a workout, and really doing things properly, it’s like I can understand what’s happening in my body. When I was running, I’d throw on the shoes and hope for the best… and the best never came. I was never built for running, I kept doing it because it was the only thing I’d ever kept doing, and it served its purpose. At the moment, though, my body is saying enough is enough.
I don’t regret running at all. I’m so proud of that first 5k race, which was such an achievement for me in both sporting and mental endeavours. I’m proud of inspiring others to try it. I’m proud of sticking with it so long, and I’m proud of reaching 10k, even if I never got to improve on my time. Running has made me appreciate the weather, and the outdoors, a lot more, and it’s forced me to notice just how many flipping runners are out there! It taught me that you can keep going even when you hit a bit of a wall, and that it really doesn’t matter what you do because, like the song says, the race is only with yourself. I am fitter, even if my shape didn’t change at all.
So, I can’t say that I will never run again, but I can’t see it happening any time soon.
My only lingering regret is not finding out what happens in Zombies Run 2!